Letter to Logan – December 2018

by Darcie

Logan,

The first half of December was spent counting down until vacation. I’d been feeling burnt out and in need of a break. I’d also been anticipating the chance for us to spend more time with my parents and, of course, to get engaged.

As we counted down the days until Hawaii, the disappointments about my engagement ring’s completion date increased. At times, we were both angry, sad, and frustrated – but never at each other. One of our strengths as a couple is our ability to express frustration about things outside of our control without taking it out on each other.

But the ultimate disappointment came when we realized that we wouldn’t be able to get engaged in Hawaii. We recognized that the place where we would get engaged didn’t matter, necessarily. Rather, we knew we would be relaxed in Hawaii and with my parents and were excited about the opportunity to truly relish being engaged before returning to “real life.”

But that is real life, isn’t it? SO many times, things don’t turn out as we planned. We can choose to mope, complain, or dwell on it, or we can accept that that’s the way it is and move on with a new outlook.

There’s no taking away the disappointment that the engagement didn’t happen in Hawaii, but we didn’t let it stop us from getting engaged. The ring arrived the very day we returned from Hawaii (of course), and you proposed the next morning when I was make-up-less with a cold.

You set the ring box down on the coffee table and it took a while for me to register that it was there. The moment was intimate and magical. Looking into your teary eyes, it was very easy to say yes.

That wasn’t our only incredible moment this year. We’ve had many – both individually and as a couple. Of course we’ve experienced challenges, struggles, and disappointments, but as you’ve come to know, I try to see the good in everything.

You’ve been a huge part of my joy this year. I’m so grateful for all of the new experiences we’ve shared together – road trips, camping, travel, concerts, Six Flags, and many more. You have a way of making small moments more meaningful, quiet moments more peaceful, little jokes funnier, and gray days sunnier.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

This year also brought a lot of anxiety related to various “adult” decisions – personal and work-related. There were plenty of times when I was more down than I would have liked, and others when I was exhausted from uncertainty.

Through these struggles, I’ve become better able to cope with things outside of my control and reflected on choices I’ve made. I’ve learned that some decisions aren’t comfortable but are necessary and complaining about them doesn’t change a thing.

2019 is going to be a big year for us: continuing to define and develop our careers, moving in together, and getting married in Bali. I have no doubt there will continue to be ups and downs, setbacks and hurdles, but I know I will find strength in your love, support, and encouragement along the way.

My 2019 wish for you is to continue to feel happy and fulfilled – in our relationship, in your relationship with others, and your career. 

I can’t wait to see what’s in store next.

Love,

Darcie

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