If there was ever a test for whether or not you should marry someone, it’s “does he (or she) make me a better person”?
Infatuation versus love.
It’s easy to fall in love, or believe you are in love.
Before Logan, I dated a guy who was really fun to be around. From the start, his texts had me rolling on the floor in laughter. He’s an outgoing guy, down for anything, and mixed well with my friends. He was always in a good mood and little seemed to bother him.
After some time, though, I became skeptical of this attitude because life isn’t like that. There are always challenges, frustrations, and difficulties. Only, I never heard about any of them, even when I asked.
I started to question the depth of our relationship and realized then that I was infatuated with him, not in love. And we broke up soon after.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing inherently bad about having a surface-level relationship. At another time in my life, I might have been okay with that. But when I was dating him, I wasn’t interested in casual.
I was looking for someone who had the potential to become my life partner.
Dating Logan has been an entirely different experience, however. I’ve recognized an openness in our relationship that I didn’t have with my ex.
When I stopped to consider how to sum up what Logan offers that my past relationship didn’t, this is what I realized: Logan makes me a better person.
He creates as safe place for vulnerability.
When I shared problems with my ex, he listened but rarely offered much feedback in return. I didn’t really feel supported or that he empathized with my problems. Over time, I shared less and less with him, not wanting to be left feeling empty and unfulfilled.
But not sharing wasn’t the answer, either. This only made me feel disconnected from him and even became slightly resentful that I didn’t feel I could talk openly with him.
This is not the case with Logan.
He almost always offers feedback when I share with him, and this helps me to consider other perspectives and work through my problems.
One of the most best things he does is not always trying to solve my problems. He listens, empathizes, validates, and asks clarifying questions.
If I ask, he will offer suggestions, but he’s not trying to push a solution on me or invalidate how I’m feeling by forcing an unwanted idea onto me.
He wants to work through issues.
Whenever I talked with my ex about anything related our relationship, he would shut down. Literally, he wouldn’t say a word, and so I would continue to babble on and on, rehashing what I’d already said, hoping restatement would prompt him to give me his thoughts.
He never would though, and I would give up, albeit frustrated.
That is, until the issue arose again, and the cycle repeated itself.
Through that relationship, I learned that problems left unaddressed will always resurface.
Avoidance doesn’t mean they disappear. Instead, it’s just pushing it off until another day, while worrying about it and feeling awkward in the meantime.
Logan and I don’t avoid issues. It’s still not easy or comfortable, but we choose to address them because we feel more uncomfortable with ongoing conflict or leaving issues to fester.
He encourages me to face fears and challenges me when needed.
I’m an open book with my guy. I share feelings, problems, hopes, dreams, fears – all of it. And I want the same in return.
I don’t want someone who tells me what he thinks I want to hear, or someone who tries to placate me.
Sometimes the truth hurts, but honesty matters, especially an intimate relationship where trust is everything.
I felt like my ex played it safe a lot. I won’t ever be sure, as I could never get him to talk about his worries or problems, but I genuinely believe he didn’t face his fears. He kept so much closed up inside that I think it only made him close up even more when I shared mine.
It’s the opposite with Logan. He is extremely open with me about his worries and doesn’t pretend to be fearless. It deepens our connection every time we share fears with each other. It allows us to support and encourage one another through that fear.
Logan’s also not a yes man. When he has a different opinion or idea, he’ll find a kind way to challenge what I’m saying. I don’t necessarily enjoy having my opinion or belief called into question, but I’ve come to recognize the growth that comes from expanding my perspective and considering other viewpoints.
He supports me in pursuing my dreams.
At the time of that past relationship, I had quit practicing law and was writing full-time. I loved it, but I also put a lot of pressure on myself. I was scared about the quality of the novel I was writing and sought comfort from him.
While my ex certainly cared about me, he didn’t know how to support me through that difficult time.
He never had the words to encourage me or give me hope. Often I would see him squirming with discomfort because he just didn’t know what to say.
That was a dealbreaker for me. I push myself and want someone who will support me and push me even farther.
Logan is 100 percent supportive of my goals and plans for the future. He enjoys talking about my ideas and brainstorming, and then pushes me to take action to make them happen.
I love him for that, and it’s just what I need in a partner.
Is he “The One”?
Only you can answer whether or not your man (or lady) is the one. There are so many articles out there that ask this question and offer different perspectives.
My test is simple: Does he make you a better person?
If you can honestly say yes, then I think you have your answer.
What do you think of this test? Do you agree or disagree? Be part of the conversation below.